I sat on the floor sobbing, pouring my heart out to Jesus asking Him why? Why was my health decaying? Why was everything around me falling apart? Why wouldn’t God help me?
“God, I need you to end this agony and take me home now or USE me.”
Those were my exact words to God that night in my prayer closet. At the peak of my despair, the suffering had become unbearable, and I actually wanted to die.
“What’s the point anymore? What do I even contribute to life? Everyone would be better if I was gone”, ran through my thoughts. All I could think of was how much of a burden I had become. I could no longer stand, drive and barely breathe on my own.
I cried out over and over again to Jesus, “Why God? Why? USE ME OR TAKE ME HOME.”
A season of surrender came out of this honest conversation with God. The question wasn’t “why” but what I really needed to know was what do I do now? What is my purpose right now? My sulking was met with a choice. I could either sulk and be bitter that things weren’t going as I had hoped, or I could humble my heart and surrender my plans and desires for God’s. I decided to stand in faith knowing His plans are for my good and better than mine.
Spoiler alert…God didn’t end my life but allowed me to walk through it so I could be USED for His glory. That night in the prayer closet, I didn’t give up because He showed me -you- sweet sister. He laid in my surrendered hands something greater than I could even imagine…His greater plan to provide much needed hope through my story.
Often, we can only see what is before us “right now”. Because we never know what is around the corner we need to cry out to the Prince of Peace! He knows what we need, and He cares deeply about every detail of our lives! Stay in the fight mama, you are seen and loved by your Heavenly Father. He is all you need. Nothing is impossible for our God.
There is no pain that happens to you in this broken world that He can’t flip for His glory and your good. You may not be able to see it now, but He is working it all out. You are not alone in this battle. Take this hope and grab hold. You will make it to the other side and when you do, you will be able to walk through the fire unsinged, grabbing hold of others pulling them out by sharing your story of triumph with the help of Jesus!
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; in all your ways know him, and he will make your paths straight.” —Proverbs 3:5-6
“Going a little farther, he fell facedown and prayed, ‘My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” —Matthew 26:39
-Cassie Rhoda and The Help Club for Moms Team